The Side Effects of Wearing a Dress
by pingo1387
Summary: The crew discovers something about Sanji that not even he knows. One-shot.


**Note: Takes place in the New World.**

* * *

The booze bottle, now empty thanks to Zoro, was set in the middle of the group. Usopp reached over, took an end in each hand, and spun it. It spun around and around, gradually slowing until the neck pointed at Sanji.

"All right, Sanji!" exclaimed Usopp. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare, of course," replied the cook, putting out his cigarette.

"I dare you to…" Usopp thought. Nami leaned over and whispered something to him. He grinned. "Good idea! Sanji, I dare you to wear a dress!"

Zoro burst out laughing; Robin smiled; Luffy and Chopper giggled, and Brook chuckled.

Sanji's visible eye widened. He took out a new cigarette and lit it, sticking it between his lips. "No," he stated, speaking around the cigarette. "I'm afraid that's the one thing I can't do."

"Please, Sanji-_kun_? For me?" Nami leaned forward and batted her eyelashes. Sanji held in a nosebleed (though his eyes still turned into hearts).

"Nami-_swan_… this is something that I cannot do, even for you!"

"Why is that, Sanji?" asked Robin. "Do you consider it an insult to your manhood?"

"It's not just that," said Sanji shakily. "There are two other reasons…"

The crew waited.

"Well, I guess it's my turn." Sanji leaned over to spin the bottle, but Luffy grabbed his arm.

"Saaaanji! What're the reasons?"

"I think we all wanna hear this, Sanji," said Franky, folding his unnaturally large arms.

"One day I'll kill you two…" mumbled Sanji. "Reason number one is that it dredges up horrible shitty memories that I'd rather not have. Reason number two…"

They waited.

"…is that when I wear a dress, I can't remember what happens."

"You know," said Zoro thoughtfully, "saying it like that almost makes it sound like you've worn a dress before."

…

"WHOA, SANJI!"

"Sanji-_kun_!?"

Robin smiled.

"S-S-Sanji-_san_?"

Sanji looked up, his face red. "You listen here! It wasn't exactly by choice!"

"Not _exactly_ by choice?" asked Usopp.

"Long story short..." explained Sanji, "when we got separated, I tried to ask _them_ to get me off the island and back to Sabaody, but I had to beat the top fighter first. The dress was the traditional fighting costume of that shitty island."

Zoro cracked up. Sanji tried to kick him, but he dodged it.

"So… what happened then?" asked Chopper.

"Well… I started fighting that damn freak of nature… and then nothing. The next thing I know, I'm sitting at the beach and reading the news about Marineford."

He stood up. "Anyway, that's why. Now if you'll excuse me…"

Sanji headed for the door, only to find himself blocked by Robin, who teleported in front of him and the door.

"_Gomen_, Sanji, but I think we'd all like to see what happens now."

"R-Robin-_chwan_!" whined Sanji, trying to get around her and failing spectacularly.

"Wait…" Nami turned to Robin. "Robin, do we even have any dresses?"

Robin thought. "Come to think of it… I'm not sure. I know that I don't own any actual dresses… skirts, yes, but dresses? No."

"Hm… I think I sold my dresses…"

"I'll go check!" yelled Luffy, running out of the room (as allowed by Robin). He returned about ten minutes later with a pink dress, yelling "Found one!"

Sanji stiffened.

"That's weird… I'm sure I don't have a dress like that… it's not my style." Nami looked at Luffy. "Luffy, where'd you get that?

"It was in Sanji's closet!"

Usopp laughed, and then frowned. "Wait, Luffy, why were you even looking in—"

"I was going to BURN THAT THING!" yelled Sanji.

The crew turned on him.

"Hold him down, Robin!"

"Luffy, you get the arms!"

"Nice boxers, Sanji!"

"This'll make good blackmail material!"

"You'll thank us one day, Sanji-_san_!"

"Why, Brook?"

Eventually they had wrestled Sanji into the horrible pink dress. His hairy legs showed at the bottom, and his face was red with rage.

"You shitty bastards happy now!?" he said angrily.

"So you remember what's happening, Sanji?" asked Chopper for confirmation.

"Of course I do! I…" he stopped speaking and put a hand to his forehead. "I… oh…"

"Sanji!?"

Sanji shut his eyes and put his hands to his head. Chopper rose to check on him, but at that moment he opened his eyes and took his hands away. He looked down at Chopper.

"Hm~? Chopper, is something the matter~?" he asked in a slightly higher voice than usual. "You look worried, dear~!"

Chopper stopped and backed off a bit. "Are... you okay, Sanji?"

"Of course I am~! Oh, but excuse me for a minute…" he left the room. Everyone was so puzzled that they didn't bother to stop him. He returned a few minutes later, wearing light blue eye shadow, pink lipstick, and mascara.

"This is _much_ better," he mused. "Nami-_san_, forgive me, I borrowed some of your makeup for this…"

Nami stared at him.

Zoro moved back a bit. "Shit-cook, you okay?"

"Well, _yes_, silly! I'm fine~!" He moved closer to Zoro. "You know, Zoro, we could really make your eye stand out with the right makeup…"

"_No_ thanks," growled Zoro, pushing him away with the butt of his sword. Sanji giggled.

"Oh, you don't have to be so shy, Marimo-_kun_~! Nami-_san_, what do you think~?"

"Wh… what do I think about what?"

"About his eye, of course! What kind of makeup are you thinking?"

"I… um…"

"Oh well, we can save that for later~! You know what, I think it's about time for dinner, so I'll get that started, shall I~?" he sauntered out of the room, walking like a woman would.

"Okay, we need to get him back to normal!" yelled Luffy as soon as Sanji had left. Vehement agreement came from almost everyone.

"Any ideas, Chopper, Robin?" asked Usopp. Robin put a finger to her chin.

"Well… Sanji mentioned that the last time this happened, he regained consciousness upon reading about Marineford. It seems that some kind of shock would snap him out of it."

"Wait, couldn't we just take off the dress?" asked Luffy. "And then put the suit back on?"

"No, I'm afraid that would be extremely difficult, Luffy-_san_. It may be easy to take a suit off and put a dress on, but taking off a dress and putting on a suit is another matter."

"Hm… a shock, huh?" asked Zoro. "Nami, you could use your weapon and zap that ero-cook, right?"

"Idiot! Robin meant a _mental_ shock! Right, Robin?"

"Correct."

"Hmf." Zoro shut his eyes and promptly fell asleep.

"A shock…" Usopp folded his arms before suddenly standing up with a decisive look in his eyes. "Okay! I got it! I know one thing that'll shock him out of it!"

He pointed to Nami and Robin. "You two! Strip!"

The next few minutes were filled with bangs, crashes, slaps, and general noise.

"Does anyone have any _real_ ideas?" growled Nami once the dust had settled.

"S-S-Sorry…" mumbled Usopp, speaking around the bumps on his head.

"Why did I get hit, too?" whispered Brook.

"Um…"

Everyone looked at Chopper, who was raising a hoof. "I have an idea… it's not very good, but…"

* * *

Sanji hummed as he made dinner, holding out his pinky finger while shaking salt over the pot. He turned at a noise coming from the door – Brook was entering, ducking his afro'd head in order to pass.

"Hi, Brook~!" he exclaimed. "Do you want something?"

"Ah… hello, Sanji-_san_. Nami-_san_ and Robin-_san_ want me to give this to you." He handed him a piece of paper and backed out of the room, tipping his crown to Sanji.

Sanji set down the salt and unfolded the piece of paper. He read it. His eyes widened. He read it again. The makeup melted off his face and his eyes turned to hearts.

"NAMI-_SWAN_! ROBIN-_CHWAN_! COME TO ME, MY DARLINGS!" he ran out of the room, leaving the paper behind.

_Sanji-_kun_, Robin and I would like to confess our love for you. Come out of the kitchen to receive it. We don't mind sharing you, dear – but we don't want to wait for you too long!_

* * *

"So…"

Sanji had changed out of the dress and back into his suit. He lit a cigarette and bit down on it angrily. He looked up at the crew, glaring at them one by one.

"Anyone wanna tell me how I ended up in the kitchen?"

"You said you were gonna make dinner…" said Usopp quietly.

"Sanji!" yelled Chopper. "I need to examine you!"

"What? Why?"

"Because of what happened when you wore the dress!" without giving further explanation, Chopper transformed and carried Sanji off to the infirmary.

* * *

"Where's Sanji?" asked Luffy when Chopper came back. Chopper sighed.

"He said that he was bored and that he was gonna go back to the kitchen to find out what he was making and finish it…"

"So what's wrong with him?" asked Zoro. "Besides the obvious."

"Apparently he has something called multiple personality disorder, and it's triggered by wearing a dress."

"Multiple… what?" Luffy asked.

"It basically means that there're two Sanji's," explained Chopper. "The one we all know and the… _other_ one…"

"Oh… can we cure him?" asked Luffy. Chopper shook his head.

"The best we can do is to keep him from wearing a dress."

"I don't think that will prove difficult," said Robin, smiling.

"Nami-_swan_! Robin-_chwan_! Dinner's ready! You guys too!"

* * *

**Well, that was fun to write ^^**

**FYI, this is a one-shot.**


End file.
